This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
by Exploding Melon
Summary: Dr. Boskonovich needs help. Who does he call upon? Not Alisa, or even Yoshimitsu. No, he calls upon the two biggest wrestlers in the ring,


This is why we can't have nice things.

Chapter 1: Shattered pride…and ice cream

King and Marduk. Two of the most feared wrestlers in the world. These men had no fear...until now. Unbeknownst to them, an epic journey lay in wait.

The sun blazed down onto the scalding hot sidewalk. Birds rustled in the tree. King ignored all these as he bitch slapped the taste out of Craig. "Growl growl roar" ("You killed my ice cream you ass"). King gave a menacing death stare at Craig who returned with a sheepish grin. "It's just Ice cream. You can get more"

"Growl, whine" ("That's the third one today. The next one is on you"). King growled "Is it my fault I'm so massive?" Craig whined. King nodded and pointed at the Ice cream stand "Growl growl" ("Pay up").

Craig sighed heavily and bought the giant man-leopard another cone. King jumped for joy as he received his cone. This caused many onlookers to stare at him like he had just farted. King blushed and looked at his cone. Chocolate caramel, his favorite.  
King and Marduk began to walk around the park licking their cones and talking. "Still hanging out with that looser Armor King?" Marduk questioned. He would immediately regret this as King Bitch slapped him again.

Marduk rubbed his cheek and apologized. The two giants eventually arrived at a bench and sat down. It snapped under their bulking figures and both men collapsed on the ground. The ice cream splattered everywhere, very much like a bag of blood exploding.

"Oh come on!" Craig whined. "Growl growl growl" (I give up. Whenever we get ice cream it always ends up dying. I knew I should've gotten the yogurt).

King and Marduk got up and attempted to pick up the pieces of their shattered pride. This is literally what they did. The fact that the bench shattered under their weight was so embarrassing that their egos materialized just to shatter into a million bits and pieces.

"That's my piece. Your pride shattered around the tree" Marduk said. "Growl whine" ("The more we pick stuff up the more it shatters!"). This was true, as it was so degrading to pick up their pride that it just shattered the more they picked it up.

Eventually the two men gave up and stormed away. "I'm bored" Marduk huffed as they continued through the park. "Growl growl roar" (What do you want us to get some sort of crappy quest that leads us far and wide in order to get something?). "Maybe I do" said Marduk with a sassy tone.

As if the gods heard him, Marduk's wishes were answered. The two men rounded the corner and attempted to sit on a different bench. They sat down slowly and carefully. The bench creaked, but held. King and Craig breathed a sigh of relief.

As soon as they did this, a piece of brown sticky paper fell out of the tree. It was this paper that caused the bench to break and both of their prides to shatter again. "I hate benches now" Craig mumbled under his breath. The men commenced the picking up of their prides.

Eventually King found the sticky paper that caused this mess. He was about to pick it up when it grew legs and started to crawl around. King squealed like a girl and leaped on the back of Craig.

"What are you doing?" Craig questioned while having his spine snapped in half by the 270lbs. behemoth upon his back. King pointed a shaky finger at the paper. It sat there all sticky and brown. It seemed to stare into Craig's soul. It suddenly scuttled to the left. Marduk's left eye twitched and he fainted on the spot.

Eventually after a while Marduk came to. King still was staring wide eyed at the scuttling paper. As soon as Marduk woke. A hologram beamed out of the paper. It was Doctor Bosconovich. "Hello King and Marduk. Due to the dire situations I shall be cutting this short. You do no know me, but I know you. I need your help. If you choose to accept you will rewarded beyond your wildest dreams." The hologram flickered a bit as he said this. It only added to the suspense. "You have 3 seconds to decide. If you decline this paper will detonate in your faces." King and Marduk's faces went blank with terror.

This is my first fanfic. Give me some feedback and ideas. More chapters will come!


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